chatter

at avoiding learning Cinema 4D. So far in lieu of doing those darn tutorials, I have

1. made a night shade for my bright alarm clock (at least that is on the list I can check off)
2. came up with a new photo project
3. trouble shot my ailing printer (not again!)
4. sent some old magazines to the recycling bin
5. stood in the garage listening to the rain
6. sorted the bin the tutorial book resided (at least the book is now on the desk)
7. print a photo for a birthday present over a week away
8. figured out Hollace’s activities for the summer (I still need to check my vacation schedule to see how some of this will fit)
9. wrote in this blog complaining

What is left on the list that I know of that will get in the way?

1. help Hollace start her art project for school
2. read the numerous books I downloaded to the iPad
3. make something for dinner
4. eat the hard boiled egg I started carrying around
5. get on the treadmill and watch some Netflix (some scary “don’t eat that crap” movie I need to see”)
6. MadMen is on tonight

I see my previous mention of the room was when things were still in disarray. It is now done, or at least 95% done. It’s nice, I like. Well worth the trauma.

Seriously if I really want to focus and concentrate on something specific, why do I load up my Kindle and iBooks with lots of books to read? When was I planning on reading them let alone do all the tutorials I want to do and learn 3d. When I have the time do I read any? Or learn something? Or do something creative? Nope, I get on Facebook like I have a nervous tick.

I guess this all applies to my eating too…. Just to show you how easy I go off track. Right after I wrote that eating sentence, I had an urge to turn on the TV and put on Netflix to watch one of those scary food supply movies (Food Inc, Forks Over Knives, Food Matters, Fat Heads, etc). I almost stopped what I was writing just now and turned my attention to the TV. Seriously.

Back to the eating thought if I can even remember where I was going with it. Uh, yeah, ah, I know I need to lose 120 lbs but for some reason I keep forgetting and eating with reckless abandon adding to my size. I am now officially the biggest ever, congratulations me! Ug.

This week I tried to take a picture of myself to show how long my hair had gotten….off track I went again, this time was for me to learn meditation so I can focus……….oh, I have 3 emails I haven’t read yet….oh a reply on Twitter from Kelly, got to reply back…..oh hi Cloudy, what are you getting into?….What was I saying again?

Oh yes the self portrait. I was having a hard time trying to take one of those magical photos where I don’t think I look like I have a weight problem–remember I am fooled easy enough and am convinced no one else just looking at my photo can tell, will they ever be surprised when they see me in person! My face in the photo was looking older and fatter then I am use to shooting. I finally shot something acceptable and posted it on Facebook with the preface that I am old and fat (which I am, but the point being I couldn’t fake it enough in the photo and felt compelled to share).

I got the nicest of comments telling me I wasn’t fat and old and that I was pretty. I was embarrassed. I should of left that fat and old comment in my head and not verbalized that to all my peeps on FB. I got my hair cut the next day, 4″.

That night still styled by the hairdresser, I go to shoot myself with the new do. I had an easier time, nice pointy chin instead of a double one (trying to get all that hair in the shot the night before was what was tripping me up). Again lots of comments and Likes. Aww geez folks, thanks but now I feel like I am one of those attention seeking bimbos but people wanted to see the final result. Hmmm, I thought I had a point or a stronger conclusion of this little story but I guess not. No matter, this whole little story is a derailment from what I came here to discuss….FOCUS.

Tonight out of the blue knowing I have 8 books, 4 magazines, 5 tutorial online videos (and 10 Word with Friends games, hey scratch that, doesn’t figure in the equasion) I put Netflix on and watch the very first episode of Mad Med because I couldn’t remember it. There ate 45 minutes of some good reading time. And why am I loading up on the reading, I just fall asleep anyway!

Tomorrow is a busy day. We are going to eMagination day camp open house to see if it is worth it to spend the mucho bucks to have them teach Hollace Flash. Then we rush to the library 45 minutes away for a class on drawing Manga faces. That class is 90 minutes long and I am already planning on finding a nice chair there and catch up on some reading. Or my sleep. I hope I don’t snore in the library.

still undone and it is still driving me crazy. RAW is working too slow. The other day his task was to either paint the molding white or buy new molding already white. What did I find after a long day at work? RAW stripping the old paint on the old molding. Why? That put everything back a day-what a waste. Now the molding is in place and I have had to nag him to get the window molding up because I can’t fill my bookcases until then. Again, he spends a whole day messing around with something and it still isn’t done and it looks like crap. And for some reason he is painting the sills white too which I am not happy with.

Last night he was trying to get the treadmill back in the room and it wasn’t working. I was trapped in here for an hour while he messed around and cursed it. He didn’t want to hear any suggestions from me.

For the most part it is time for me to start putting everything away and I don’t know how to make it all fit, a bit overwhelming. My spirits were brighten a bit when I found the rugs I want, was able to get my speaker to stop buzzing and the internet to speed up. I have yet to figure out where to put the printer and stand. I knew it was going to be tight where it was planned and I was right.

Next up is to get the old big cabinet out of here again (I bought a smaller one), construct new cabinet, put up curtains, install TV on the wall. I sure hope all those can be done and concluded tomorrow.

Sorry for the rambling rant but writing it out here will go a long way to chilling me out.

why do I feel like such a dork when ever I visit or get visited by my sisters? Yesterday Pam and Cindy and youngins came for a belated birthday celebration for Hollace.

We made brioche (Hollace’s only requirement for a party in her honor), had cake and ice cream, I ordered Gioradano’s stuffed pizza. Hollace and Emma went off to do art, the youngest two kept themselves amused and played outside a bit. Phillip played on the Wii and was bored. He also wasn’t too thrilled that the cake or ice cream wasn’t chocolate. He is at that everything is disappointing age (10).

Had a nice visit with Pam and Cindy but I always leave the visit feeling disappointed or embarrassed or something. I have this illusion (or not) that I am a dork. I feel awkward and they are family! We spent most of the visit at the kitchen table with our iPads (or theirs at least because I let Michael play on mine) playing games and trying to get iMessage to work between us.

At a loss to what to do to keep everyone entertained, I put on a movie no one has seen yet that is family friendly and an Academy award winner– Hugo.

I shared with my sisters my neuroses on my impending room remodel. Normally I keep that in but for some reason I have been sharing that with everyone. How the hell am I going to empty this room of all the big stuff? Where am I going to put it all? And how am I going to cope with all the disorder! Oh, I know, get over myself LOL. Hey, I generally don’t get hung up on this kind of thing. Probably because I don’t do it much.

Which brings me to my next topic. I live life too safely. I avoid turmoil and stress by living in a tiny house instead of moving to a more adequate house. By having only one kid. By having only one cat. Everything stays under control and low stress. Add another kid or two, a dog and a bigger house payment and we have more chaos, less money and no time (which I am ultra protective of, today we moved the clocks up an hour and it sucks). On the flip side, a boring existence, a crappy little house with no room and a kid with no big childhood memories.

It’s been this way for 15 years and now at 48, it is bugging me. In five years the crappy little house is paid off. The thing is I am not unhappy or I know I would of done something about this by now. I think I am projecting what others might think. Deb at work mentioned last week when I put my room remodel neuroses out there that she is surprised we haven’t ever moved from that tiny house. All I really want is a place that makes sense for the treadmill and I can go on as usual. Or do I shake things up? Lets just get through the room remodels and go from there.

I got a Flickr mail this week saying Getty has picked 17 of your photos for their collection. Most of those they picked were at least 5 years old. What did they do, go one by one through 5,300 photos and 7 years?

There were a few popular ones including Toby the beer drinking cat (I had to decline that one because of its previous commitment), Jillian’s first birthday which was featured on a bag of coffee, and fried egg on green plate which was Utata Front Page and earned me $25 Blick gift card after winning honorable mention at CLC’s member show.

The ones that are scratching my head are the multicolored streamers and toothpicks. And I wonder if they know that there is a baby cow coming out of that cow in the background of the cow picture? Whatever, if any of those can make me some moolah, all the merrier.

After posting about the Getty thing on Facebook, a friend who works for a frame company emailed me that they might be interested in some of my fine art. We will see if anything comes out of that. Probably not, I have no idea what I would charge if it comes down to that.

Not sure why I titled this post with magnetic business cards. Sure I just made a few with my new magnetic laminating machine but not really a big deal.

Yesterday we went out to Barnes and Nobel (proceeded by eating out at Red Robin). Hollace had a GC to spend and some manga to fill her bookcase with. We all went our separate ways. I seen Stephen Colbert’s book and then remembered I had some gift money myself to spend so I bought it and a book on photo craft and cookbook. Even RAW came home  with a book on boats or something or other.

Speaking of RAW, poor guy, I just won’t cut him a break. He can’t do anything right and everything he does is bugging the shit out of me. It all started (well it really has been going on for a while) when he was looking for a new toothbrush and picked the one in storage that is so different that it is always mine. I am still pissed about this. I can only get this unique toothbrush in November during the work benefit’s fair at the dental insurance table. This year I finally had the forethought to pick up an extra and that idiot just used it! I am now convinced that he is clueless and doesn’t notice detail. Like the fact he keeps calling Verizon, Horizon. Really? And that he calls Vitamin D, Calcium. When filling the butter dish, he grabbed the unsalted stick I was saving for our next batch of Brioche, which is different then the regular stick–never noticed. I know, I know, get over it bitch. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.

I picked me up a beautiful and clean Polaroid SX-70 on Amazon.com. It worked but the Impossible film I had didn’t (I knowingly bought their bad packs for a discount). With the film, normally, you have to keep light from it the first minute. But I never would do that. I finally bought a frog tongue that would help with that but right before I put it on the camera broke. It just whirrs and whirrs until I take the film out. A quick internet search found my problem and fix. Very common problem for these 30 year old problems. In order to fix it I have to rip off the bottom leather skin which was bumming me out since it was in good shape. I eventually found a guy out of Japan who sells new skins for a reasonable price (I am getting red cowhide) so now I am waiting on that.

My weekend is wrapping up and I am sad because I always overextend my to-do list and feel unachieved. I did clean off my desk and am about to update my password list so that might make me feel better. Tonight is Oscar night.