If I find time so precious, why do I waste it so effortlessly?

It is already the dreaded 3:15 on a Saturday and I feel time is slipping away. Why is 3:15 dreaded? I don’t know I guess it is the point where I feel that if I am going to accomplish something I should of done it by now. The real time I dread is 4:00 because on a normal work day I am officially done and the day is now like any other, weekend or not.

I did do something today actually, I made brownies. Yep, still in self destroy mode. I suppose I should stop writing here now and go meditate on why I do this to myself. If it is any consultation, they were too gooey for my liking. That all said, I am sure I will have more.

Let see, what is on the agenda for this weekend? Nothing much really. The kid wants to go out and buy dry erase markers and an inflatable globe. She even has lofty goals on this Saturday 😉

As I walking out to get the mail today I came up with the idea to sit with a calendar and plot out useful things to do for the foreseeable future. I need to get to Chicago to see the Vivian Mayer photo show before April. We really need to go through the painful process of putting in new floor in the zen den and Hollace’s room and paint the bathroom. I guess they will never get done unless I schedule them.

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hello people

I am feeling slightly overwhelmed with all the books I want to read, movies I want to see, software I want to learn, artwork I want to create, projects I want to accomplish, weight I have to lose, walking I want to walk, photographs I want to shoot, time I want to embrace, creativity I want to develop, words I want to write, things I want to organize…um did I leave anything out?

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I feel like throwing up

only I know I can’t (28 years and counting). I keep eating these chocolate drop things and now I feel yucky. Why do I do this to myself? I am trying to refrain from calling myself a pathetic blob but that is what I am so there. See I can’t even stop myself from calling myself names, how can I stop myself from eating myself into a coma.

Tonight I made broccoli salad. RAW made the bacon. It was the best damn bacon I have ever had. The joy I felt eating that bacon was unlike anything I remember. He was lucky I didn’t eat all the bacon crumbles before putting them in the salad. And the salad, the best damn tasting broccoli salad I have ever ate all because of that bacon. In my mind all I had for dinner tonight was that salad and a piece of sour dough bread. Sounds alright on paper but I am not counting all the bacon I ate before hand, the handful of Macadamia nuts. I am sure there is more that I am not remembering. Oh, a garlic bagel I ate when I got home from work today. I made a special trip to Einstein Bagels after work to get uncut bagels so Hollace could use her birthday present, her bagel guillotine. I felt a little pang of “uh oh” when my normally stop when she is full, barely eat half a bagel kid wanted another full bagel after eating a full bagel. I have to get her to slow up on the bread thing or risk being like me. Right now, she is a perfect weight and shape.

I should throw out that bag of chocolate drops but I won’t. That is until the bag is empty. I will finish it up tomorrow night, I had too much tonight. I still feel like throwing up.

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I wonder…

I wonder if I write a little something every day here about food and eating, I can convince myself to stop sabatoging myself with bad food. Part of the reason would be to put this top of mind because when I am gorging on the no nos, the eating right never crosses my mind. I think on of the reasons I eat fast is to get as much in before I remember I should be eating that. Really? Why am I doing that? How the hell do I be accountable to myself.

Today the LiveLifeWell coach called. Our goal for me was 15 minutes of walking 2 or 3 days a week. I agreed to that knowing I could easily get back on track for more so I would blow her way with my actual walking. I did. I told her I walk 15 minutes a day during lunch with those rock and rollie shoes and 30 minutes on the treadmill every work night. She was impressed but shouldn’t be. I am not walking all that fast. I am still paranoid of the treadmill but discovered that if I incline it, I can walk faster without feeling out of control. It is a win win. Still I don’t think I make a dent as far as excerise goes. For me that isn’t the point anyway, I know the kind of exercise I do won’t help me really lose weight. I do it for my state of mind.

What will really make an impact is eliminating the sugar or dialing it down a lot. Hollace’s new baking bread thing doesn’t help either.

Today is Valentine Day. I managed to stay away from the main office that was full of sweet treats. I did a couple laps near there at lunch and seen it but I wasn’t tempted. Sounds promising until I got home where I ate 2 Little Debbies (dang you RAW for bringing those home) and I gave everyone a bag of mini Reces and of course that includes me too. Those things are really dangerous because there is no unwrapping. It is just stick your hand in the bag and grab a handful.

I was just reading about Charlie Sheen and what Dr. Drew Pinski calls his “stinking thinking” about not really coming to terms with his drug addictions. He sounded just like me when it comes to my eating. I am going to start using that phrase every time I think it is ok to eat that.

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Going In To Work



Going In To Work, originally uploaded by swardraws.

I had to stop on what was my brisk walk into work on Friday to pull out the iPod and Hipstamatic this.

I am testing out the “blog this” feature on Flickr to see how it looks on the ole Chatter blog. I hope to use that blog more but right now adding photos from Flickr are a bit a pain in the ass unless I blog it this way which isn’t ideal in most cases.

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So what has been going on lately?

Let me catch you up.

Hollace turned 12 last Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday. Especially because Green Bay Packers were in the Super Bowl, I knew to invite the family over on Saturday to celebrate Hollace’s birthday. All the kids left here with goodie bags of Webkinz as Hollace decided she was done with them and gave all 15 animals away. Wait, she kept on, a fox but all the rest or mostly all went to Emma. The other kids got one animal. It was kind of sad to see the end of an era. I guess she is growing up. It was bound to happen.

Lately me and the girl has been making bread. She loves bread and wanted to make her own so I checked out the Bread Bible (eventually buying the book) and so far made a brioche and some hearth bread made into rolls called something I can never remember.

I bought a new iPod touch, again. I guess it has been a yearly thing. Apple so has me. I justified this purchase because it finally has a camera. Yeah the camera especially sucks here but I really wanted to use Hipstamatic. Such lovely photos from that app. It has gotten me out of my rut.

Hollace has a website now. She has been drawing like a fiend all kind of anime characters. That is her latest obsession, watching, listening (Vocaloids) and drawing anime. She wants to learn Japanese and now French and Greek–not sure how those last two fit in. She started violin lessons last fall which is going well. All of these obsessions including the bread/brioche stem from her anime thing.

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Ground Hog Day Blizzard 2011

Last week the weather forecasters got the forecast completely right. They were forecasting a big time blizzard starting at 3:00 on Tuesday Feb. 1 and right on the nose it started. I of course took the train that day. Since everyone knew the really big snow was going to fall over night, 2 feet of it, most everyone brought work home for Wednesday. The train like expected left 30 minutes early which is 3:50. The roads weren’t too bad yet so we got to the train station on time or early since we left early but the train was delayed for 60 minutes. I had my mifi with me so I surfed the web and caught up on my Words With Friends. It was funny actually, any other 30 minute early shuttle day usually had an earlier shuttle added for those who wanted to get home early. This time they didn’t do it but should of.

When it was all said and done, it took me nearly 2.5 hours to get home that night. RAW was waiting with my car when I finally got off the train, it wouldn’t of been a nice walk home.

All that night, the winds were a howling and got some thunder snow. It was very noisy out there. Two doors down at Andy’s was an ambulance. I felt for anyone like ambulance drivers who had to be out in the weather. RAW found out the next day that Andy was flat on his back on the floor, his back going out while he had his kids there. There were 100s of car stuck on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago for 12 hours and I heard a couple stories like that around here in Antioch and Grayslake. I would of freaked if I was stuck like that.

The next day was a winter wonderland to say the least. Their was a drift that engulfed the front end of my car, with a tidal wave drift in front. The backyard was like a bowl filled with an amazing amount of snow. There was no going anywhere even if you wanted to. They closed all the roads in Lake County and at 8:00 an email from work declaring a snow day! That was unheard of, Abbott never closes for snow. I didn’t know what that really meant. Do I still work or was I given the day off? I was having a light work week and I knew I would have the next day to do the work I brought home. I spent all day wondering but not really working anyway. It was a snow day goll darn it.

RAW walked up to the bar with Andy while waiting to use his snow blower after another neighbor was using it. Hollace and I went out to play in the snow. She kept saying she normally doesn’t like snow but this stuff was cool. I took lots of pictures.

Thursday it was back to work but I took the train. I debated on whether that was a good idea or not. I found a traffic website that had live cameras on all the roads I take and they didn’t look too bad but things were still blowing around. It would of been a no brainer to take the train only now the bitter cold was coming and that usually means long delays for the trains. We don’t have an enclosed shelter at our stop and I didn’t want to have to stand in that sub zero wind chill any longer then I have to. I finally got the bright idea to enlist in RAW’s help. He can get up and drive me to the train station and I can wait in the car until the train came. It was only 5 minutes late, not too bad. Of course coming home it was more like 30 minutes late. RAW picked me up.

This blizzard ranked up to number 3 in biggest snow in Chicago’s history. Number 1 is 1967. Number 2 is 1999 which I can’t remember for some reason. It happened a month before Hollace was born. Why can’t I remember that? One of the reasons I am writing this right now is how I ended up remembering that snow evidential. I found my old journal and read all up about that storm. It happened as we were coming out of the holidays on Jan. 2 so it didn’t impact work so much. I apparently worked at home 2 days though. I still don’t remember much about it. I do remember a couple days later while RAW was using starter fluid to try and start my car that he nearly set it on fire. According to the journal he did but when we took it to the repair guy there was no damage, nothing to fix.

It has been over a week since the blizzard and all that snow is still out there. It is suppose to get above freezing this weekend through most of next week so maybe we will get rid of some.

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xmas card 2010



xmas card 2010, originally uploaded by swardraws.

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It’s been awhile

actually I have been writing and all only it is on paper. Every morning for the first 15 minutes of my day I write 4 pages of whatever. It is kind of like the morning pages of one of those how to be artistic books only my pages are kind of small. The book was suppose to be my eating journal but it is also my state of mind book. I think it is helping me work out whatever and to focus.

Last night after Hollace told me she has a boring life, I helped her with a timeline of her life for a class assignment. While I was trying to remember what she could put on it, I ran across my old blog and was reading up on 2005. I noticed I had the same work anxieties as I do. I think mine right now are under control probably only because the jobs I am working on don’t involve a creative director.

Anyway, I thought I would write here so in 5 years I had something to read about October 1st.

Tonight was the College of Lake County Recent Works art show. I not only had one photo accepted in the show, I got an
Honorable Mention award of $25. Hey, what the heck, I’ll take it.

Besides having a boring life, Hollace is been into anime, watching too much of it on the internet. It isn’t just the imagery that inspires her but the music. She now has me looking for violin lessons for her.

On the home front, we just made a decision on who is going to do our roof. Hopefully that can get started soon though I am not in a hurry to shell out $6,000.

Last weekend we went to RAW’s mom. I volunteered Hollace to work a shift with the donkeys at the Farm Fall Fest (where she goes to Farm Camp). She did ok. I purchased a Virgin Mobile Mifi so now I can get online anywhere so while we were waiting for Hollace’s shift to be done, I watched an episode of Dick Van Dyke on Netflix. With the Mifi, I purchased a month of unlimited bandwidth (as opposed to 10 days of 100 Mbs) so I wanted to see how much we would use in an extreme case. The conclusion, in 3 days we used 1.2 Gig. All in all, a successful test.

We then stopped over mom and dad’s and said hi to Paula who was visiting.

I am getting old (no duh) and can’t stay up too late anymore. I was ready to go to bed at 11 p.m., on a Friday no less. My normal without fail bed time on a work night is 11:30.  I use to stay up until 2:00 a.m. in the old days.

I guess that is all I have to report today. I will try and get back here soon to compliment my daily paper blog

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Vacation 2010

Finally beautiful weather! The forecast was for “abundant sunshine” and 73°. The plan is just stay at the site and chill at the beach. First however we did stop at Ace closer to the site for a beach chair (which I didn’t buy) and a garbage can (which we also didn’t buy).

Then I sat in a chair for three hours staring at the bay while Hollace ran around and RAW took a hike. We all eventually ended up by me and my chair. Later I got out my bubble fan and declared it “Bubble Thursday”. Now it is Thursday night after watching a beautiful sunset we are now in. Hollace is talking to herself with the walkie talkies while RAW replaces the mantles of his lantern.

Tomorrow we leave.

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