Yesterday I called him. I really don’t have much of a relationship with Dad and when I got him on the phone I couldn’t think of anything to say. He joked that he almost made it to 70 and called himself a condemned man.
Last night I went to bed and realized that my social anxiety issues come from him and not so much from mom. Sure I am just like her in that regard and I am sure there is a lot of monkey see monkey do but I think the key is dad. Dad is fairly typical husband from that era, he made mom feel stupid. I guess I can’t speculate on whether or not mom felt stupid or not but he did demean her and call her dummy. I now believe this why I have this fear that someone will find me stupid and why I can’t think of anything to say to him. I don’t want him to think I am stupid. Whoa. Too bad I didn’t have my therapy session today, I could of used it with this relavation
Last night Paula called. She was mad because mom hadn’t gotten around to her yet to tell her about dad. She says mom is in denial and I suppose I am too (didn’t I tell you I am just like her). I called dad tonight and he told me that they will do surgery next week. He has a hole or a weak spot on his heart that was caused by a case of rhematic fever he had when he was in high school. Back then they didn’t know how to fix it. They are going to fix it now. His doctor said he has a 90% chance of survival. He is bummed he is going to miss the begining of camping season. He was still waiting for mom to call to tell her about the surgery.
I am thinking that I should probably go down there this weekend. Paula guilted me into getting this last chance to see him. RAW fixed my brakes this week but I heard a sound from them today and he is in Fort Wayne with his mom this weekend. I don’t think I should trust the car for the long road trip. I will take off from work next week to go down there for his surgery. Then the last week of March I planned to spend Spring Break down there. We will see what happens.
Also yesterday I called grama to tell her about the plans I was making to take her down to my cousins house. She has been wanting to go but when I told her we would stay the night she freaked. She is suffering insomnia with her depression and said maybe she won’t go. I told her she is going and I will bring a sledge hammer to knock her out. She told me to knock her out good then so she doesn’t ever wake up.