Here I sit wanting to ponder life but really don’t have the focus to do so. last night I almost wanted to in a superficial way but totally forgetting about it until I looked at my blog entry. When I went back to mention my original intention I had absolutely no intention to really going back and writing about it.
right now I am sitting on our little patio watching the wind whip the sun/wind screen RAW installed with the screen gazebo. It lost it’s tie to hold it down on the right side so now it whips madly, so much so, that I can’t sit in the lounge chair next to it or be constantly attacked by it.
I am reading a library book on the iPad that just came up today. A week after I decided not to start another library book because of the pressure to finish it quickly before it self deleted with no option to renew it without waiting the month or two before it is your turn again. Who wants to wait that long to finish the end of a book? Anyway, this book came up and it sounded alright so I checked it out anyway and started reading it. I was not expecting any profound use of my supposedly magical precious time, also known as my day off with no one else home.
This weekend I felt I do nothing and live an unusually boring life and dragging my poor daughter along for the boring ride. This was probably brought on with her constant “I am bored” which really is typical for a 12 year old. She wants to do something but didn’t know what. I am suppose to figure that out and before you say, that is her job to do, I do feel I need to show her how to figure it out. How would she know that automatically? Let me clarify. She is really good at entertaining herself at home but we were out visiting friends and family. We were either sitting around, going out to eat, walking around the lake or shopping the mall. We do that all the time when visiting. What else is there to do? At home we do less actually but seriously that there has to be more to an interest existence then this.
I was feeling a little blah about life and the fact that for the most part I am ok with that thinking that everyone else is out there doing something when I got to the part in my book where the author is asking the exact same thing. The profound moment for me was realizing that EVERY one in one way or another feels that way and unless you go rock climbing or jump out of airplanes what else is there? Actually at the mall they had a big rubber band thingy that a kid can bounce around with. Hollace of course didn’t want to do that. Neither of us are adventurous at all. See where our options lie?
The kid is due home here in a few minutes so I feel my time to reflect and try and figure it out is running out and I have now lost my chance for total aloneness. RAW is due home tonight and I told him not to come home until later so i can have the place to myself. And I did. And it went fast. Did I accomplish anything? When I say accomplish I mean creatively not clean the bathroom (which I really need to do badly) or scrub the camper for next week’s tip to camp in Pam’s driveway. I did sketch out what my new webpage should look like but I still need to go in-depth with it and do it. I tried to sketch things out digitally on the iPad but I think real paper will get me farther.
You will have to excuse this whole entry actually. I am just trying to get my thoughts down with no regard to proper grammar and run on sentences. I might go back and try and fix it but probably not. So toodles and farewell for now.