I had lunch with H yesterday. She wanted to ask for my (freelancing) help on a video project she is doing. She needs 3D texturing help. I think I told her no in so many words.
I used a segue of my issues with free time as the reason I don’t freelance. I get bitter with the paid project that it is impacting the time I use (or even waste) for my projects. I realized at that moment what my problems with free time is.
I am betting of anyone I know who is a working mother, I have the more free-time as any of them. I specialize in it. H was oft trying to make me feel bad or something every time I mentioned organizing my iTunes library or doing an art project since she apparently didn’t structure her time like I did. I never felt guilty that I made time for the stuff I like doing.
While I often feel bad about our small crappy house and jealous about anyone else’s big wonderful house, this crappy house with its low mortgage can afford me my toys, uh, tools to be creative and play artist.
While I often feel bad or guilty that Hollace is an only child and I could of easily had more children since I am apparently am built for it and RAW stays home so child care is figured out and cheap. One child is less a drain on time. Especially a kid like Hollace who is happy being on her own. Now, I don’t neglect her but she is especially now at an age that she isn’t a big time commitment. Ok, I am trying to word this to not sound as bad as I think it does.
Moving on.
The choices of the house and size of my family make a direct impact on my ability to gather up lots of free time. Sure H and D for that matter, have only one kids and an affordable house (I assume) but they doesn’t have the same priorities or personalities to do what I do.
Now back to my lunch time revelation about free time. The more I make of it for myself, the more I want, the more I obsess about it. Its an addicting drug!
I took off on Monday since the house will be empty because while I obsess over free time, I also crave alone time. I often wonder when I am old and alone, I will regret craving alone time now.
Also this weekend is the end of Daylight Savings Time which means we gain an hour! And don’t you know this time junky will plan that hour out so it will be acknowledged.