chatter

After publishing that entry I was looking at what was going on exactly 2 years ago and I was shocked to realize I could of wrote that exact post today. Wow, nothing has changed. I am complaining about wasting time and all the to do lists and feeling overwhelmed cause I don’t follow them. And then I talk about learning the fine art of meditation to help me focus and lose weight. I was just telling RAW I wanted to do this tonight. Also I was concerned about Hollace following in my social issues and this week I was projecting my insecurities on Hollace. Normally at this time of the month I am usually paranoid about my social interactions but this time I was paranoid with Hollace’s. I am afraid she is putting all her eggs in the Kayla basket and I just know she is going to get hurt. I was starting to get worried about this even though nothing is indicating to me that this is immediate. Total wacked out issues of my own at play. I just found it interesting that exactly 2 years ago I was talking about the same thing.

Here is the page I am talking about. Read January 14 >>> http://www.swardraws.com/blahblah/archives/2006/01/

I knew I was taking a chance with my impulse buy on the Rolleiflex because it didn’t look like I had any recourse if something is wrong. There was no buyer protection on this purchase nor any return policy listed. Like I said, it was a last minute impulse buy with some quick freelance money I had.

When I got the camera I was surprise because it looked like it was in great shape. I was excited. The seller said the lenses were clean but the shutter stuck. I have exhibited the shutter stick a couple times.

I was having a hard time getting nice sharp pictures. I had a heck of a time focusing the camera so I decided I would spring for the $170 to get a Maxwell screen installed while I got it cleaned and serviced. Something you just do when you get one of these cameras.

Right now, the well know Rolleiflex service guy has my camera and gave me an estimate. $130 for the shutter overhaul which I knew, $12 for the two little screws I knew were missing. $170 for the screen and $130 for a transport overhaul. I wasn’t counting on that but ok, lets get it all nice. Then he dropped the bombshell. Well actually he started his estimate with it. The lenses are in bad shape. Major fungus and some lens separation. Pretty much the worse case scenario here. This explains my problem with sharp or lack of sharp pictures. Nothing really can be done to fix this.

I am heartbroken and embarrassed that I fell for this camera.

I asked Harry (the Rollei guy) if putting $478 (total estimate) is worth it with the shape of those lenses obviously knowing the answer but found it interesting that he implied with that estimate, that I would still go ahead with the work. He wrote back: “If it were mine, I would look for another Rolleiflex with the lens in better condition.” Then proceeded to tell me about a great camera like it he is selling for $1000.

I am calling the girl home, cut my losses here and make note of the lesson learned. And maybe next time I come into money (year from now?) I can go to Harry and buy his $1000 camera (I know that the one he told me about but I am sure he will have another). I will put the camera on a shelf and just look at it which I enjoyed doing anyway. I might still run a roll through it every now and then. In the meantime, I will still enjoy my Holga and Fisheye toys

One happy thing today is my Ditty Bops CD came in. I heard a song on XM Cafe the other day from them I hadn’t heard before so after quick investigation found out they had a 5 song CD that was B-sides to their last album. You could only buy it from their site however. The Ditties make me happy with their music so I couldn’t go wrong. I guess they are working on their next album but they severed ties to their recording company and don’t know what they are going to do to put it out. I hope they can get it up, I am looking forward to it.

More change at work. The big boss, the one who wouldn’t rest until she got all of CN at the park got another job within A. A lot of people are happy. Today for lunch I found myself at the cool people table. I planned on just finding a table at the back of the cafeteria to read but ran into the meeting and event department so they invited me over. Then some AEs (who I refer to the “cool” people) came along and joined us. Interesting to get their perspective on the boss’s news. After hearing them talk I wonder what they say about me when I am not around. One of the AE’s was a past tenant in the area I now work in and warned me that in the summer the sewer flies get in your face. Nice to look forward to, not.

Last week’s weather was very bizarre for January. The temps on two days got over 60. I got spring fever. Then some paid with their houses for the warm weather by getting hit by a tornado. A couple just west of here and then up in Kenosha. I know two people up there on opposite sides of town that said the twister (F-3) went within a mile north of their houses. Eek.

Barb at Artworks was trying to get us together with her and Sharon and their families for a little Artwork get together for old time sake. Hollace has been wanting to go over there and create forever. The day we planned to do it (over the holiday break) it snowed and Barb chickened out so replanned it for after I had to go back to work so I couldn’t participate. I was bummed. Sharon’s kids had to go back to school so she couldn’t come either.

Meanwhile this email came into the Artwork’s email box about a local stay at home dad group who was looking for an outing. I passed the info to Barb and they agreed upon a time that was the same as the time RAW and Hollace were going.

I got excited to see a local SAHD group and got RAW signed up.

Come Friday at 10am Barb calls RAW to say she is running late. She must of forgotten about the SAHDs and RAW didn’t remind her. She and her family including her husband get there around 10:40.

Steve the SAHD organizer was there but who know who else got there at the arranged time and left because they were closed.

RAW talked to Steve but Steve was quiet and probably felt a little left out cause RAW was also talking to Barb’s husband which we know. He also felt bad cause his planned event went bad. No other dad showed up once they were open.

I did read one review after the event where a guy showed up with his kids at 10:05 but left. I am afraid to go back to read more.

Even though I had nothing to do with this I feel bad like I am somehow responsible. Why do I got to feel that way?

You would think for how as old I am, I would be so over making resolutions but I guess I am a sucker for disappointment because I still look forward to making them.

I guess why is because I don’t go into them thinking I am going to break them. I always feel a sense of promise like I am going to do it this year.

That said, I will now forget I even said the disappointment word and go back to my optimistic ways.

2008

Resolution #1

I got to lose all that weight. Seriously. It is time for a mind change. I better stop right here and pick up that self hypnosis book right now.

I was visiting Cindy and her clan this weekend. 4 year old Mac told me I have a big butt. So true. The day before he mentioned my fat tummy. You sure can’t beat the honesty of a 4 year old. The last time I was that fat and got that honesty was right before I got pregnant with Hollace in 98 when a 6 year old Read asked me why I was so fat.

Really why? Lets not give these bluntly honest kids a reason to be honest like that.

Ok, I can say I need to lose 100 lbs in 08 but what am I going to do about it to make it reality. I know all the things I need to do but how can I make it work? It really is all in my mind. My health insurance company has a health coach that will call you once a week. I was getting ready to call them to set that up when they called me. They scheduled the first call for Jan 8th.

I will read all those Spark People emails I get by spending a chunk of time every night doing so. Maybe get a subscription of Prevention magazine or something and reading it. I have been carrying around an old Prevention magazine in my book bag for over a year and have yet to read it. I just really need to put my mind on it.

Resolution #2

Be more creative. I would like to call myself an artist and while most of you already think I am, I feel like a fake in that department. Yes, I take lots of pictures but I need more control over my imagery. I need to start planning out what I want to visually achieve, put my soul in there. I have been going low-tech with my art which is a nice step with my film based toy cameras and medium format Rolleiflex. So much fun. Next will be developing my own film and getting back into painting. I got a painting kit and I still owe mom the painting I promised her 18 years ago. After I Monet-out for her, I really want to meld my photography with the painting for something unique.

Resolution #3

Lose the fear. Really I got to quit fearing life and start living it. Because of all the changes at work, they gave us the book “Who Moved my Cheese” I started reading it today and one quote really grabbed me…”What would you be doing if you weren’t afraid” or something like that. My whole world would open up if I could get past the fear.

Resolution #4

Get a handle on time. I don’t know what the deal is but I am ultra aware of the passing of time. On the weekends I am constantly aware of the time and that the weekend is almost over that I don’t do anything with it. I have so much free time and can’t seem to maximize it to its fullest. There is so much I want to do then realize I just wasted it all on the internet. I am a master of to do lists but never go back to them after I write them. I want to take up reading for pleasure; developing my own film, then scanning it–so much more slower than just shooting digital in the first place; painting; quality time with Hollace; exercise–ok, I don’t want to do that yet but I have to; get a NetFlicks account and start watch movies…..STOP! Where is the time to do all of that on top of the general house stuff and family stuff. For some reason I keep adding to my list instead of simplifying. I got to work this out in 2008.

I guess for starters, go to bed earlier so I don’t sleep until 10am on weekends. So on that thought I bid you a good night

nothing much I guess. Just getting ready for the holidays. Today was a freakishly windy day with gusts of 60mph and coooold. Yesterday was a freakishly warm and foggy day. The temp was 52 and so foggy that is smelled and worried me just going out to the mailbox that a car wouldn’t see me.

Enough of the weather. I thought I had something to say but I can’t remember it. I got my iPhone-ish phone a couple weeks ago. That was cool but not really noteworthy.

Last weekend we went to Fort Wayne for our Christmas thing but the weather threatened with a big winter storm for traveling day Sunday so we cut out Saturday evening right before the party. It was tough but driving home in a foot of snow with heavy winds to blow it all around wasn’t my idea of fun. It wasn’t that fun when we left either but it was only a couple inches at that time.

Last week the rest of art department moved out of J28. Now I sit in the basement under the cafeteria. Lots of crabby video guys who really had to squeeze in. I got my space all tweeked out and feeling like home….sorta. Oh well everyone will adapt. I am off until the 2nd–practically a week and a half—woo hoo!

Every now and then I google “swardraws” to see what comes up. Everyone does it. Well maybe they don’t google swardraws but you know what I mean.

Tonight I ran into a cute little tidbit from 2000. It was my web site’s gossip page and it was what was new with 15 month old Hollace. Here is an excerp:

Dizzy Box Sitter

My silly girl likes to get dizzy. She will all of a sudden start walking in circles just for the effect. She then tried to walk which looks like a drunken sailor. Too funny. The bigger issue at hand is her obsession to sit in a box. I don’t know if this is a thing with all babies but Hollace can’t let a box sit empty. She use to empty a place out in her toy box, climb in (usually backwards) then bring the stuff she ditched back in on top of her. Now she doesn’t care, she will get in a full toy box. Tonight she kept trying to pack herself away in her little suitcase. She just sits there looking for things to bring inside the box (or suitcase) with her.

I sort of remember the Dizzy Box Sitter title and her actually getting herself dizzy. What I don’t remember is the last part about her emptying her toy box, getting inside and putting her toys back in. Or her packing herself away in a suitcase.

She sure is growing up fast.

Last night Sherry called. Her family is being mean to her. I hope Hollace never gets that hateful and mean. I really can’t see that happening, totally different dynamic going on there, but you never really know.

Last March a house down the street burned down. Yesterday another house burned down and tried to take two others with it. This time it was a house right on the beach. I guess the guy whose house went down was working on a RV in his driveway. He left it unattended and it went up in flames which then torched the house. It was pretty intense. I still can’t picture which houses went up either through the pictures in the newspaper or ones RAW took. He was even quoted in the paper. I think he was embarrassed about it though because the ladies at the bus stop were giving him a hard time about it. Maybe tomorrow I will go down there and check it out.

Ever have one of those days where something simple just won’t work out right? That was my problem today with Bart’s job. I just needed to rerender some movies and swap them out, no big deal. I had all the other changes done by 10:30 this morning but those darn movies just weren’t working out. For some reason the audio kept going on past the outpoint of the video. At 4, my normal quitting time we still didn’t get it figured out. I had to leave because my computer actually left. They are reformatting it since I am off on Monday. Thankfully Holly was able to try and get those movies re-edited and rerendered. When I got home I logged onto email because I forgot to put my out of office message on for Monday. There was a nice note from the project manager to my manager thanking me for the hard work and mentioning that Holly said she could get the fixed videos in by Monday. I hope she didn’t have to stay late but I know those darn videos take hours to render.

I feel like I am drowning in stuff. Most namely paper stuff. I need to ditch it all and be done with it.

I better go to bed. Good night

Hollace never liked to get her ears and face wet when swimming. We have signed her up for swimming lessons before but she got nowhere with them. Last summer while camping she had a breakthrough and started going under water. At first while plugging her nose then when everyone at the pool gave her a hard time, she went without.

We stayed in a hotel with Dorothy on Thanksgiving night. In the hotel pool I discovered how much a swimmer Hollace become. She looked like she was on the swim team or something, swimming most of the length of the small pool underwater.

That pool’s chemicals were harsh, after Hollace’s second round in the pool (RAW said she was swimming even better that day) her hair was like ropes. No amount of shampoo and conditioner seemed to help.

That night at Dorothy’s she complained of her skin itching.

The next day however she came down with the flu. Turned out she had a temperature and was achy. Poor thing. Didn’t realize that as we dragged her to the Christmas tree show at the Embassy Theater.

I guess mom had a peculiar case of strep throat, the same day Hollace was under the weather. She didn’t have a sore throat or anything, just something coating or swelling it. She ended up going to the ER where she got an X-Ray. Her strep test came back positive.

Cindy bought a new house. Everytime a sister buys a house, I get jealous and want to buy a new house too. It is a good time to buy. Of course we got to sell first which isn’t that easy especially since we are embarking on a kitchen remodel.

Today I got my first roll back from the Rolleiflex. Not as fun or fulfilling as the Holga. I got to figure out how to focus the thing. And I got to get use to the scanner, I have a heck of a time trying to get the 120 negs in the tray right. I also had a light leak on the Rollei film but not on the Holgas which is backward.

Utata had a summer project. I thought about it all summer then ran out of time. I did manage to get some shots up but didn’t get to shoot what I was planning. Anyway, the editors were going to pick some shots from there for the magazine they were going to print. They said they sent out emails to everyone selected. I didn’t get anything so I was a little bummed. Then a couple weeks later they said they just sent the last bunch of emails out and I got one! They selected an odd photo but hey, cool anyway.

Pretty scenery photos won the Abbott photo contest. I didn’t submit any of those since I thought this was to fill their stock photo collection so I sent them stocky things. Whatever.

At work they are doing away with the large format printing so Jim was trying to run out of stock. I now have 18 large prints of some of my photographs mounted on foam core. Wicked cool. Some of them I sized to fit in the window frame I made. I feel like I should have a museum show 😉

While picking up the large prints (which I had to get a cart to get them to my car) I showed off the Rollei to Jim. He gave me the old light meter he had (which looks exactly like my 25 year old one), some 120 neg sleeves and Jeff gave me some anti static negative cleaner.

I just wasted a roll of 120 film trying to load the Rollei tonight. I forgot to put it under the bar and wound the whole roll onto the other size. I guess I could of went into a dark room and rerolled it but instead I tried to reroll it in the camera. That didn’t work out too well so I threw it away.

The Canon 20D should be back tomorrow.

I got my idea for this year’s Christmas card. It took 5 minutes to come up with it. That is all.