chatter

I don’t think I even came here to take note on my day, did I? Well I am here tonight and I am a bit out of control. I was doing ok until I ate the Zone bar after lunch for no real good reason. I think I have a major sweet tooth moving in. I ate that Zone bar and knew that meant I would have 500 calories left for dinner.

Driving home I ran into traffic and realized it has been awhile since I had any Chilpolte. I knew my regular 3 taco thing is about 700 calories so I decide maybe tomorrow. But with the traffic it made sense to go into the turn lane by the Chilpolte. No biggie, I will go tomorrow. Then I realized a train must of just came through because the traffic going South where I just turned was worse so on some kind of mindless auto pilot I turned into Chilpolte to get my tacos and seek a bit of respit from the traffic, surely it would clear by the time I got out. It was.

I decided to try the Barbacosa taco as one of my three. I got it home and decided early on that I didn’t really like it especially compared to my chicken ones. I ate it anyway! I could of saved 233 calories. I then went into “I blew it” mentality and proceeded to find crap to eat. I came this {} close to making a chocolate pie! I accidentally bought some instant pudding instead of the cooked kind I prefer. I finally stepped off that ledge and went onto to find other sweets deciding to save the pie until RAW was home to help me eat it since I would of ate the whole dang thing. I probably would of made it a point to eat the whole thing before RAW seen any evidence of it, you know food hiding–that’s messed up.

I then ate another little chocolate bar and then finished off the chocolate eggs from Easter. I also cracked open some pecans. I didn’t capture any of it on MFP. tsk tsk tsk

Tomorrow is Saturday where I will have to make a conscious effort to go sugar free. I don’t at least have to worry about getting that Chilpolte.

It is time for bed so I will keep this brief. I came under my calorie count today but I am suspecting that was because I forgot to log something. When I was way off by the end of today, instead of grabbing something healthy I grabbed a frozen cheesecake on a stick for 180 calories.

Chips and mindless snacking is still a problem. Tomorrow I vow to have none and be a good girl.

More at another time.

I think I started good today. I had my toast like usual and ignored the chocolate eggs. I was off today so the temptation was always there. I didn’t want them, I was good.

Normally on days off at home I don’t eat “lunch” but today I did mainly because I really wanted those chicken bbq nachos that I make. I specifically counted the chips to what constitutes to two servings and sat at the table and concentrated on eating them. They were delicious.

It was a couple hours after that that I derailed a bit. I ate some cheese and turkey salami, a hard boiled egg and some veggie chips (yeah who are they fooling, one serving of vegetables  in an oz). I remembered the chocolate covered strawberries and the chocolate eggs were now appealing.

For dinner we just had roasted asparagus but knowing this I immediately finished off the box of strawberry yogurt Cheerios. I accounted for all of this but then finished the night helping Hollace finish her chocolate bunny.

Tomorrow I go back to work, I will be extra diligent avoiding the eggs especially knowing how derailing they are.

It is much easier staying on track on work days because I am in control there and I also get in a walk. I ignored the treadmill. I did go to the grocery store and got in a fewer more steps then I normally would on a day off.

It is time to put the healthy eating plan top of mind again. I am starting to do too much unaware snacking and getting no where with trying to lose 100 lbs. I am pretty much stuck with 33 lbs down.

While driving home after dinner at mom and dad’s for Easter (btw, happy Easter) I thought maybe a nightly entry in a diet blog would put it in my head before going to sleep and set me back on the right track. Maybe, its a trick I haven’t tried yet. I then spend the next few minutes wondering if I should start a new blog for that or just write in this one. Whatever, just do it.

I bought an old fashion note book for writing mostly food plans and thoughts but it still sits empty. Not sure what I was envisioning there. I think typing my eating thoughts out in a blog might work better so lets count this as my first entry. I will transfer it to the new blog if I go that route.

As I mentioned before, it is Easter and there is some Easter chocolate lying around. Not too much but some. I really need to ignore it and concentrate on how crappy I feel when I eat sweets like the large peanut butter chocolate rice crispy square I bought and ate on Friday when Hollace and I went to Chicago back to my old neighborhood. I started by just eating a bite every few miles driving home. Immediately after eating the bite I would have an overwhelming urge to eat another but I didn’t since I was going 60 mph and had already put it back in the bag. It was once I got home that I finished that sucker off and felt like crap for doing so—ug. Really really not good. I wondered at that point if I am diabetic or something with the way I felt.

Today at mom’s I kept grabbing at the brownies and the bowl of little Krackle bars. For dinner I ate baked beans, sweet potatoes and potato casserole. Seriously I got to cold turkey the sugar crap.

I am reading a book on food chemistry designed to scare me into eating healthy. It works a bit and I am now on the hunt for coconut oil but it is the non aware eating I need to get in the forefront and put a halt on. I wonder if the chocolate covered strawberries sitting in the fridge will still be there when RAW gets home?

I was listening to a RadioLab podcast the other day that turned on a light bulb for me. The theme was Help and there was a story about a woman who gave up smoking by making the promise that she would donate $5000 to the KKK if she smoked again. Why this worked for her was that the mind will always go for the short term reward (of the cigarette) over the reward way off in the future (of health). My making the threat of a KKK donation it was making a consequence more immediate as opposed to waiting years for cancer if she doesn’t stop. I now have to come up with something in my quest to kick the sugar. Maybe I can work that out here in my nightly writings.